Diao.

Feel really demoralised now. I was thinking about what i told jiang ling earlier on during training. It really sucks to not perform well in vb and even worse in studies. What the hell am i doing always wasting my time away??? I really want to wake up from this unpleasant feelings/life i'm having now and find out tht everything is fine and i'm doing well. IT SUCKS !!! I'm going to school dreaming the hours away, going to trainings not putting in enough effort for me to improve. Its like with each training i go, i deprove even more! I wish my life was like when in china, where i always played for the team and sometimes scored points instead of losing it, even though there was alot of pressure(mostly from myself)i always feel good after a training / match becuz i LEARNT and IMPROVED. Is it becuz i've moved on to B div alr? or becuz i'm not trying hard enough? come on man elaine, you used to put in ur ultimate best, what is wrong with you now???

edited -
i didnt live in china, it was a training trip. haha i realised how weird it was.